Space trip

It was the night before Tuesday. I was watching reality TV when Prince rolled by. Rather, hovered by my third floor window. I leapt from the couch and threw open the window.

Wanna come for a ride?

I nodded.

Get in.


*


Where are we going?

England.

Why?

I want you to meet a friend.

Who?

You'll see. And then Prince winked his wink. A spray of lavender mist shot out of his eye and enveloped my head space, a straight shot into the olfactory. The last thing I saw before I passed out was Prince pushing the warp speed lever. After that I saw myself in a sea of lavender with thousands of deodorant stick-sized purple Princes hopping above the lavender sea, all excited about the new revolution and all chirping, the thousands of them, Let's get crazy, let's get crazy!


*


The biggest and most popular summertime attraction in England is a swimming pool under a tent. I shouldn't understate it like that because it's actually a sprawling series of pools connected with waterfalls under a massive tent. They wait in line for hours in their flip flops to get in under the tent and chill out by the pool. One of the reasons it's so popular is the tent acts as a sun filter. Estimates vary on the SPF factor. Some say it's as high as 150. Others say it's as low as 45, and unsafe. They debate the SPF factor of the big tent while waiting in the long line, which is as long as a dozen football fields. A bar stretches the length of the line so it's a flip-flopped bar crawl in a straight line with everyone comparing sunscreens and their SPF factors like wines and vintages, which is sort of all you need to know about the modern English.

I just don't see what's so special about a pool under a tent, Ricky, I said to Ricky Gervais. I'd landed next to him.

Series of pools. Are you daft?

I don't think I'm daft. I just don't see the great big deal about a pool—

—series of pools—

under a tent. I mean, the tent sort of defeats the purpose of having a pool—

—series of pools—

doesn't it?

It's about synergy, yeah? The pools are all connected so we're connected. In our swimming trunks. All together, yeah? Little waterfalls doing their bit. Harmony. Yeah? Ebony. Side by side. Ebony and harmony side by side with perfec ivory. That's what it's about. Teamwork. I. You. Me. We. Yeah?

I'm with you, Ricky.

Where's Prince?

I don't know. He ejected me from his spaceship and I landed here.

Funny little bugger.

I'm going to need a lift home after the pool. That is, if we ever get in to see the pool.

Series of pools.